So today at school, I learned a few interesting things. As to find a synthesis question for our upcoming research paper, my AP Lit teacher told us to draw a line with a 0 on the left and a 10 on the right. Then, she told us to write a controversial statement at the top depending on whatever first came to mind. Lately, due to jumbled thoughts and confused feelings, I wrote "Love is a selfish concept." She told the class to tape the papers around the room, and then everyone had to go around marking the line depending on if they agree or not, and then write a comment.

Not surprisingly, everyone marked near zero, commenting something along the lines of "Love is pure and generous." To be frank with everyone, I was under this same impression for the longest time in my life, but lately I've been feeling otherwise. So riddle me this Deviantart: "Can love be selfish?"

Just so it's clear, I'm speaking from a standpoint of forbidden love. If you've read my story Double Edged Blade, you should understand that that was not inspired from nothing. Three people, one person in middle being torn by the others because of the love that they have for them; except this time, one is just watching it as that person gets dragged farther away. Sounds like a sappy love story, I know. But then why? Why do I feel the butterflies in my stomach? The ones that only show up in key points of my life. You might tell me to appreciate what I'm watching, as it is the blooming of something beautiful. But how can I when that person is getting more and more distant?

I feel selfish, guilty for loving someone society tells me not to... but then tell me. Is that really love I'm feeling? Or am I just a teenager trapped in his own morals and false emotions?

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After thinking about it a little, considering what my friends have told me, I can't help but feel even worse. Maybe it isn't love. Maybe it's just a contempt for a love that I feel is changing our friendship. Or maybe it's just jealousy. And feeling something like that brings incredible guilt.
With the way I generally think, I should know by now that nothing lasts forever: I'm an optimist for the same reason. Making the best of a situation or looking on the bright side has always been what I do best. But does that mean I have to be a passive observer? One that never interrupts the flow of change? Regardless of my morals, that just doesn't feel right.
Thank you for your support guys. I don't know what's what anymore, but I'm sure to figure it out eventually... hopefully.